Decisions and Consequences

Well I apparently got an email from Evoke chat (they're hiring)...too bad ma was aghast at the idea of chatting with pervs ;/ Then she yet again reminds me that I am a college grad and deserve better. But she just doesn't get that I'm far removed from that degree and that something is better than nothing...

But the big decision was in that a few of my closest friends suggested I go to the local CSB (Community Service Board) and ask for a therapist. I am aware that my mood swings, and need to stay home more than out is bad, but is it THAT bad? Agoraphobic. Bi Polar. Severe Depression. ADHD. Big buzz words were thrown about for what I may have in my head. So to humor them I called. But this leads to a Catch 22. If I go and they say I'm 'A.OK.' then my problems are not severe and I'll be seen as a layabout and cop out. That my problems are not an issue and negate what I feel. But if they do see me as having severe physical but more importantly emotional issues...

No one wants to be seen as crazy. TBH a good few of my friends even my sister has been in therapy, has been or are currently on meds for mental issues, but I just saw that as a part of them and didn't think of it. But me? What if I'm so 'off' than they put me on SSI? Then I'll be a crazy living off people's tax dollars. I don't know if I could live with that. This to me is a lose-lose scenario. Well all I have is time. I'll just wait for that call and see how it shakes out.

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