My Heart + Blender = Pain.

Here's the story. My bf, Grandmother, and Uncle decided to kick me out due to general incompetence, stagnancy, and depressive attitudes (including but not limited to mood swings, and anger issues). Also my bf rightly so wanted to fix his own life, pick himself up out of the mud, and have space from me. He also hopes that I can learn to depend on myself and recover from my failures. But the relationship with him seemed to confusingly want to me to stay close and yet not.

My bf after 2 months of flimflamming decided to tell me that for now he wanted to break up with me till I got my life together. Basically time apart. But he wants intimacy as well. I can't blame him for that, but to expect us to be friends after 8+ years of sharing a bed, sharing lives, hopes, dreams? That's expecting too much. Last night we shagged. But like everything else I just felt cold inside. Wrong. I believe fully that he cares deeply for me and it's hurting him inside. But to pretend to be friends when we both want more is cruel. Too cruel. So I told him I do not wish to speak to him right now. I just cannot do this fake parody of what we had. If my life does come around, then we can talk again. But for now: he wanted his space, and so he's getting it. Just not the way he was planning on.

In other news I got the company I wanted to work for on the phone this afternoon and there gonna be finally looking through there mail for prospectives! Getting that job would at least make me semi happier *crosses fingers*