Popping Pills

Well after finally getting to the Wal-Mart pharmacy (they have a discount program thingy there...though I loathe going there) and picked up my pack of Citalopram aka Celexa. My happy pills. Over my short lifespan I have ingested, sniffed, smoke, and drank (never injected!) many mood altering and hallucinatory drugs. But I knew the effects would be temporary and were done mostly for fun.

But this drug actually gave me pause. Not only for its side effects (I know most of today I was knocked out, having diarrhea, dry mouth, weak legs, and over was a sleepy, drowsy mess), but that it alters your mood. Not for an hour or 4, but continuously alters your mood till you stop taking it. And the side effects of not taking it after use wasn't exactly heartwarming.

I have a true feeling of dread forming. If I don't take it, I'll stay a ball of demoralized, agitated, and immensely sad mess. But if I do take it, barring initial side effects, I will in some way be altering my mind by semi permanent means. Kinda like Extacy (I never took E just comparing) without the urge to hug everyone. But both having a bunch of heavy withdrawal symptoms if you stop the use of either.

I never felt the NEED to use a drug everyday. I never felt, 'hey I needs me that pot, or that drink, ect!' I use, had my casual fun, and moved on. But this is heavy stuff. Birth control merely regulates my reproductive system. But this is MY HEAD here!

So with the small bit of bravery I could muster, I popped my first pill. And promptly spent most of my day ill. Hopefully they will be of more help than good.

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